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e.
You'll still hear insecure men saying that same ol' thing. But a man who's a go-getter? He wants an asset. Not a liability. I'm just glad this ideology has trickled down to hip-hop/R&B.
"From my understanding, to a man, the independent woman doesn’t appear to have any needs or problems, and her self-assurance wouldn’t allow her to seek help even if it was required."
Sorry, but that's not appearance. How many times has a Black woman said, "I don't need no man" or "I can do bad all by myself." Seriously. The former is a successful Black woman's mantra. The latter is a broke Black woman's mantra. Rich or poor, many Black woman make it absolutely clear that they don't need a man in their lives.
As far as independent women, I love em. I want one.. maybe even two. LOL. Seriously, I just want to know "if something should ever happen to me, you guys are ok." That's my mother's line to me when she shows me deeds, insurance policies, bank accounts and so on. My mother taught me to invest in the future. So while I live my life to the fullest in the present, I also ensure my future. That means I've got to pick the right woman for myself for today and tomorrow.
Brother, if you live long enough, you too will meet someone who'll have you saying: "I dont need this & I can do bad by myself!"
LOL
LOL"
Been there, done that, sick of it. Like AT said, an independent woman is a mandate, because if God calls me home, I need to know my family will be taken care of, and not because I want her to take care of me while I'm here.
And yes, a man who's doing something in his life would want a woman in his life who will understand his hustle and his struggle. You can't do that by sitting at home and watching the View all day or working at Wal-Mart. That's why all of us need to be strategic in how we date, and not just financially, but spiritually, mentally, AND physically as well.
How do you feel about that?
The producers have realized that mentality and they are making money from it. Good for them.
I was at this party a few years ago. It was my brother's wife's sister's party. She's this big time author so she's connected to all the other successful women. This party was the saddest grouping of lonely, pitiful, pretentious, obnoxious, "independent" and childless women over 40 I've ever seen in my LIFE. Literally, a herd of women with nothing better to do than whine, complain, and bash Black men or just men in general claiming they don't need nor want a man even though most of them barely had a man.
Cocoa, I think that music shouldn't be forced to have a face in the first place. It all depends on who's listening and how they interpret the song. When I listen to it, the independent women I picture in my mind are Black women, the people that I know. But, I won't sit here and front like I wouldn't check for a white, spanish, asian, or alien LOL. I can only speak for myself.
the independent women that this song speaks of are those who are generally educated, very ambitions, and bring way more to the table than just ass implants and large tiggoes. i prefer women like such stated above. and women like that aren't exclusively black, either.
<== brings a whole lot to the table.
Are we such followers of the media that now it will become a main stream thought. Will music change the opinion of black men...based up on the word according to Neyo?
Women- we (generally speaking) proclaim our independence, which shouldn't really be to our detriment. However what black men claim to be the problem is that when we say "we don't need you" it also means "we don't want you". The latter is not necessarily true- and perhaps that's a point that an independent black woman needs to make clear to her man.
Men- you all tend to ignore the fact that the reason the indep. bw's make these proclamations clear is that this perception of desperation and urgency to find a good black man has been pushed on black women VERY hard. Regardless of your accomplishments, achievements, goals, or aspirations you should be willing to settle for less than your own prescribed standards because "he's a hot commodity" even if "he" is not necessarily worth a piece of $h!t- and I'm really referring to those 'scandalous' dudes with ho~ish behavior who want to juggle 3 and 4 b/c this 'ratio' is on their side. lol
These are both just examples, but I think the general premise reigns true. I feel that as women have started to call ppl on the *settle or be alone* dogma, "Some" men (who NEED us to believe this in order to get any play) are starting to feel a lil threatened again- hence the constant reminders of statistics, theories, and yada yada.
When you cry *famine* and there isn't one- ppl panick and go out and buy excesses of food to stock up, to make sure they're not affected. This creates a famine- and you have a self fulfilling prophecy. What women are starting to do is to fall back and ego's are getting hurt. The supplier needs the customer to believe that supply is low and demand is high- and when demand for his product is high, he can sell even if his customer service is poor. Many women are starting to realize that this latter example doesn't accurately represent the state of the black relationships on all levels. It depends on your background, circle of associates, connections/networks, and even exposure. (i.e- if you've never or rarely met successful black men, or don't exist, and you want one- you will perceive there's a famine! But when you go to grade school, college, church, live in the same neighborhoods, were raised by, are friends with, or have been in relationships with successful black men- you know they exist, b/c that's what you've been exposed too.)
The smart guys (i.e the music artist like Neyo, most male R&B singers/groups) know to play to the sentiments of the woman. While all these dudes are saying f- bw's who are independent, they're making $$$ and getting play by being the ones that *love* independent bws. That's just smart on their part- I don't know if I can attribute that to a knew positive trend (it's like the stock market on Monday, I'll wait n see what happens before I get excited.)
Men- you're right in demanding that a woman make it clear that she wants you even if she doesn't need you. Especially if the two of you are trying to nurture a successful relationship.
But you're wrong in expecting her to need you because there's a *so called* recession.
And, I wouldn't have gotten into marketing if I didn't believe people in general weren't followers of the media. I mean, that's the whole premise of marketing - branding, promoting, advertising, selling goods and services. However, we don't always appreciate the fact that the media also markets ideas.
But, I also think that there's more to a woman than her independence. At the same time, I think the concept of independence tends to turn some women into assholes too. Independence only means you handle your own business. But, it's like I alluded to earlier with the story of the party; being independent doesn't mean women have to become catty, annoying, nagging assholes. I think too many women pick up very nasty habits that are not exclusive to independence and then have the idea that men don't like independent women.
I love independent women. But, I can't stand bitches. And yes there is a difference. The major difference is that bitches bitch more and bitching is contagious. There I said it. Real women don't have a lot to bitch about because their attitudes aren't funky and out of place. I think the key for any man is to find an independent woman who's also happy with herself and their happiness not just a word they throw around to convince themselves they don't have serious personality flaws.
I'm just saying a lot is expected out of an independent woman (from her partner) in terms of looks, attitude, personality, values, etc. And women are often chastised for not *owning up to their flaws*. Now, expectations are wonderful- I more than encourage them. I also encourage self-reflection and honest evaluation. But men rarely seem to be able to take responsibility for their own bullshit- and when they do get called on it, are pretty quick to point the blame back at black women. Yet women are often expected to understand, accommodate, and even try to compensate for the *plight of the poor black man*. We essentially then, become the root of *all* of the problems in bw/bm relationships. At least try to understand where the woman is coming from. The fact that I have mature friends, men and women who can engage in a honest dialogue about this and openly admit flaws in self and gender perception, that cause conflict in interactions, tells me that a fruitful conversation is possible. But it can only happen if black men take some responsibility too. Your posts (AT) are a *prime* example of this lol.
Gentlemen it's time to step up your game and be more than walking penises and wallets!
Some of yall women got them Trueblood demons and don't even know it. LOL
Women, do you feel like the men perceive it as attitude, or are conditioned to believe that we are throwing them tude about our independence, when its really just confidence?
It's classic- if we don't bow down and act like mediocre is stellar then we must be mad single bitches. Okie dokey. I'm not mad, nor single, and no my guy isn't white (but do we even really want to go there on the interracial dating issue? It's pretty blatantly ironic- but we could!). I've been in a healthy relationship with a quality black man for over 3 years now. This doesn't mean however, that I'm so removed from the BS that I forgot what it smells like! Just keeping it fUnKy. Pun intended. Yes some black women have attitudes, but that isn't intrinsically tied to independence. So do black men. But only with them is it acceptable. (again- the immature ones)
But like I said it's a recession- so I suppose the consumer should be happy just to get a slice of pie- even it's it molded.
CD, you were in the Superdome when Jill Scott sang "Hate On Me." As soon as women heard the horns, they were on their feet like she was singing the National Anthem. I was one of those women. One of the guys with us said "What are all these [women] standing up for? All of 'em don't have as many haters as they think they do." All of that to say, it's a song that makes a woman believe that taking care of herself is a good thing. Whether or not a woman is actually doing that, she's still gonna get hype off the song. People who make rotation decisions know this, and will continue to play those songs.
Current life experience says that "mostly independent" is probably the real hotness. No one wants someone completely emotionally and financially dependent on him. However, we all (women and men) like to know that we can add something to another person's life.